Sunday, June 19, 2005

happy birthday

What does it mean when a holiday suddenly becomes a chore?
When did the days of care-free birthdays and joyful times dissapear?
Is this something that happens with age? Suddenly a birthday feels more like a chore, less like a celebration.
You realize this great person you conseptualized in your mind is an illusion. He's nowhere near perfect.
He's not the strongest man in the world, shielding you from harm, always there to protect you from danger.
He's a liar and a cheater. He'll break your heart, take a piece of your innnocence you can never get back.
Kind of like a first tooth, only more painful. Plyers made of 2am drunken phone calls ripping at your heart.
I stared blankly at your card, struggling to find something meaningful, significant, to express how I felt.

'Happy Birthday' I wrote printed. Signed with love. I felt like a sham.
We were both liars, unable to ever say what we really felt. Too afraid to find something better.
I didn't love you and you didn't love me. Maybe we had in an earlier more child-like time.
I suspected I would never reallyknow for sure. So for the moment, we celebrated.
Like nothing ever happened.
We were the perfect couple.


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