Saturday, September 10, 2005


Last week as I was doing my walk of shame home I saw an old woman get hit by a truck in front of the Urban Outfitters by my house. It wasn't the first time I saw someone hit by a car, but it was still frightening nonetheless. Then last night I was walking home at 4am and I heard people screaming and yelling, a rare occurance on park avenue. As I got closer, I realized someone had been hit by a cab. The driver sped off, there were people crying and cab drivers were screaming and cursing because the street was blocked up. I understand the fact that a cab driver has to make money and being a cab driver in new york is a shitty job, but come on, how can people have such disregard? The man had just been hit by a car, Jesus. Then fifteen minutes ago I was walking home and there were a bunch of people crowding my block and an ambulance outside my building. Apparently a man in the townhouse next door had a heart-attack. I wonder if this is some sort of sign? Or maybe just an example of the fact that bad things happen in threes?
I met my mom for dinner today and the first think she said when she saw me was "you look horrible". I was suprised, my hair looked good and I had slept for 12 hours last night. But when I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I realized she was right. Although my body was tan, my face looked completely washed out. Maybe it's the fact that I have mono and have been sick, or maybe its my lifestyle. People constantly tell me that I party too much, and even my dealer said I need to "chill back." Maybe I'm in denial and can't see what everyone else seems to see. Sometimes I think I should move on- clean up and straighten up. But really, is there any fun in that? I've been living this way since I was 14, and while that's no excuse, it's all I've ever really known. It's hard to see something as being wrong and unhealthy when everyone around you seems to be doing it so nonchalantly. Maybe it's just a really long phase or part of growing up.
Oh well. Who knows. It's Saturday night and it's almost 12 and in about an hour or so the only thing that will be important to me is getting more drinks and having fun.


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