Friday, August 04, 2006

Summer 06', kill yourself

Everything is wrong and out of place. It's a mere 3 weeks before I'm supposed to go back to school. Yet, I'm not registered and as the days draw closer and closer it appears, I'm probably not going back to school. My Dad's still dead. And it doesn't get easier, and it doesn't heal and I don't think about it any less. In fact, it only hurts more and more. And where the fuck is God when I really need him. I've been waiting for 18 years. And I was a catholic school-girl, albeit a good one. I made my sacraments, and did my service, and donated the money, and did the hours. They say sinners are the closest to God, for real, thats a loose quote from the Holy Book itself. So, shouldn't me and him be like Lucy and Ethel?
I know, everyman is an island, and were all alone and blah blah blah. But I think I feel that so much more that anyone else around me. And everyday I get up and try to turn it around but I always fail.
I'm away from the city, and I've been the soberest I've been since the 7th grade, and I'm painting and staying out of trouble. But nothing ever works for me.
Noones there when you really need them and I only trust my brother. I feel like the whole world has gone and left me here.
I just can't get over the fact that my life wasn't supposed to turn out this way.


Post a Comment

<< Home