Wednesday, October 26, 2005


I hate my life right now. My friends have all basically ditched me. When I'm not at school or work, I'm basically left alone. People only seem to want to hang out with me when I'm drunk ro when I'm doing their drugs. A week or two ago I felt like I had amazing friends and the perfect life. Now it just all seems like bullshit. I borke up with my boyfriend last month who said he was still in love with me. Now I don't even here from him. My "best friend" never calls me, not even to mention she's going to Kentucky for 3 weeks. cool. My other "best friend" lets me vomit all over the place in the bathroom of nightclubs then encourages me to "just take the weed" from a teacher at my school. Yes, I smoked weed with a teacher from my school Saturday night, on the rooftop of BED. Then I got even sicker. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor of BED, vomiting over the toilet. I was choking on my own puke thinking, "this is how I'm going to die stoned, and alone on the toilet of an over-rated club. Thursday night I did shots at Movida with Johnny Knoxville. Thomas told me "you've officially made it in New York." I couldn't care less. I told him I had to go to the bathroom. Instead I went outside, hailed a cab, vomited out the window, and fell asleep on my bathroom floor with all my clothes on. My eyes were rolling towards the back of my head, and I remember my friend telling me to go back in and have sex with him. Great friends I have, huh? Someone close to me died Monday morning and I was too hungover to even care at the time. I asked my friend Rachel if she could drive me to the wake tonight because I don't know how to get to the funeral home and its all the way in Queens. She said she would, but she was driving 4 other people and there wouldn't be enough room in her car. awesome.
I cannot focus on my school work at all. I've been trying to write this essay for the past 6 hours and all I have is 4 sentences. No thesis. No promise of going further with this.
All my options in life seem to be gone. And I forgot to make a plan B.
oh well. I think I'll skip class today. Buy a bottle of vodka and see if I can score an eightball.
I hate my life right now. I remember being so excited for halloween a couple weeks ago. Now I think I'll just sit inside all weekend and cry. That or I'll go to one of the 7 parties I've been invited to, get piss drunk, have sex with some guy I'd never even look at in a sober mind, and fall asleep in another random apartment. The best part of a one night stand is the part after. When you wake up in the middle of the night with a hangover, dying of thirst. I love to do my walk of shame home, smoke a cigarette and pretend I'm breathing fire.


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